SCRIPT SAMPLE
In this scene, villainous landlord BARON VAN DRIVER is about to head off to DAME TROTT’s to evict her from her home. With him is his elderly henchman, FEARLESS FRED FANCY.
BARON
Right. Let’s get on with the job in hand. Come along, Fred. And do try to keep up!
FRED
All right. I can’t help being slow. It’s my knees. They aren’t what they used to be.
BARON
What did they used to be? Elbows?
FRED
It might be faster if you carried me.
BARON
Carry you?! Don’t be ridiculous. Do I look like the kind of man who carries people? I, Baron Van Driver?!
(As he speaks, the GORILLA appears behind him. FEARLESS FRED can see it and is terrified.)
BARON
Tell me, Fred, what kind of person do you see before you?
FRED
A gorilla!
BARON
How dare you! A nobleman, that’s what you see before you! I mean, just look at my lovely crown. And noblemen do not carry people! I mean, look at this face. How would you describe this face?
FRED
It’s all ugly and hairy!
BARON
You impudent old wrinkly! Regal, that’s what this face is! I’ll have you know I’m a nob, and I come from a long line of nobs! Now hurry up, or I’ll give you a kick up the bottom!
FRED
But … it’s enormous and horrible!
BARON
I don’t care what your bottom’s like, I’ll still kick you up it! Now will you come over here at once?! (The GORILLA taps him on the shoulder and he replies absently.) I’ll be with you in a minute. (To FRED) What on earth is the matter with you, Fred?! (The GORILLA taps him on the shoulder again.) Do you mind? I’m talking? (To FRED) Now come along, Fred! We really must be getting a move on. (The GORILLA taps him on the shoulder again and he turns round angrily to confront it.) Do you mind! I – (He breaks off, realising what he is seeing. He laughs nervously.) Oh, hello. You’re a gorilla, aren’t you?
(The GORILLA nods. The BARON and FRED look at each, then scream and run off, pursued by the GORILLA.)
